Are You a Worrier or a Warrior?

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles. It takes away today's peace."

~ Randy Armstrong

When my youngest daughter was little, she tended to overthink things, often worrying too much. During the daytime, it was easier to talk things through and help her realize that everything would be okay. However, nighttime was different.

The Sleep Ninja

It seemed like my youngest daughter was secretly undergoing ninja training. She had a unique talent for sneaking into our room in the middle of the night, standing just inches from my face, and saying, "Dad, are you awake? I had a bad dream (or heard a noise, or...)." She would scare the living daylights out of me every time. What's ironic is that I had always been the grumpy one when woken up in the night, yet I guess she came to me first because I was closest.

When we're in deep restorative sleep, the last thing we want is a lengthy conversation or a child who is scared of the bumps and bangs in the house.

This middle-of-the-night routine usually started with my efforts to reassure her that everything would be fine, that the noise was just the house settling, or it was merely a dream, and that she should go back to bed. I don't know who I was fooling because it never worked. So, the next step was attempting a swift and quiet tuck-in with a few comforting words. However, reasoning doesn't always work when someone is caught up in overthinking.

Finding the Courage Within

Over time, I realized that, when encouraged in the right way, my daughter could find the courage within herself to face her fears. One night during this routine, a phrase popped into my head. I asked her, "Are you a worrier, or are you a warrior?" She timidly responded, "warrior." We repeated it until I felt she believed it.

I helped her understand that warriors are not fearless, but they have the courage to acknowledge their fears and do what needs to be done. This "worrier or warrior" became part of our mantra to help our youngest daughter conquer her nighttime fears.

Today, both of my daughters are adults, and although they still have worries and can easily overthink things, I am proud that they are both much more courageous than I was at their age.

Taking Control Over Overthinking

Overthinking can be one of the most detrimental things we do to ourselves. A harmless thought can quickly spiral into scenarios of impending doom. In reality, there is rarely an immediate threat to our thoughts. Instead, overthinking creates a distorted perception of events that either never happened or will never occur but still cripples us.

I've mentioned before that an experience I had with overthinking a few months ago inspired the idea of our "Problem Monsters." I was standing in my kitchen, overthinking, and I realized that this overthinking was like a monster taking over my thoughts. This led to the birth of the first "Problem Monster," OverThinkor, along with our first video, which you can watch [here].

Since this experience, I have consistently applied the following 6-step formula to help conquer overthinking.

Six Steps to Conquer Overthinking:

Ask yourself, "Are you a worrier or a warrior?": This simple question can bolster your courage and interrupt your thoughts, preparing you to bravely confront the OverThinkor monster.

Breathe: Pause and practice mindfulness by focusing on your breath. This helps you connect your mind and body, lowers stress hormones, improves focus, and interrupts the thought loop. A simple breathing technique is included at the end of this article.

Frame the urgency: Determine if the issue requires an immediate solution. Most problems don't have urgent deadlines. This isn't about procrastination but about starting the process of finding meaningful solutions to your overthinking.

Start building a plan: Spend a few minutes figuring out the actions you can take to address what you've been ruminating over. As you break it down, you'll realize you have more control over your thoughts and circumstances than you initially thought.

Take immediate action: Warriors are both analytical and action-oriented. Nothing emboldens you to conquer OverThinkor more than having an action plan. Pick one thing from your list to act on right away, and you'll immediately feel the weight lifting.

Develop your long term war plan: As you take action, create a larger plan to regain control. If your worry relates to something you've been putting off, follow through on the steps necessary to regain a sense of control.

Closing Thoughts:

“Warriors are not fearless, but they have the courage to acknowledge their fears and do what needs to be done.”

~Kurtis Graham

Our thoughts can be both our greatest friend and greatest enemy. When faced with a worrisome or negative thought, you have two choices: be a worrier or be a warrior. What will you choose?

TAKE ACTION THIS WEEK

Here are three things you can do starting this week to conquer the OverThinkor “Problem Monster” in your mind:

1. Practice Breathing:

Try the 4-7-8 Breathing technique:

• Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.

• Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose for a count of 4 seconds.

• Hold your breath for a count of 7 seconds.

• Exhale slowly and completely through your mouth for a count of 8 seconds.

• Repeat this cycle for several minutes, focusing on your breath and the counts.

2. Start a Worry Journal:

Keep track of the thoughts you've been overthinking and compare them to the reality. You'll often find that your worries are baseless. 

3. Take Immediate Action:

Choose one thing from your list of concerns that you can address right away. The power of taking a single step toward a solution is incredible.