Let’s Get Real
“My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to take these great people we have and to push them and make them even better.”
~ Steve Jobs
“Can I give you some feedback?”
A week ago, my wife walked into my office and said, “Can I give you some feedback on your business?” My family has been generous with feedback on my content since I started posting content more regularly, but this time, her tone was more serious. Curious, I followed her to the kitchen as she made coffee, ready to hear what she had to say.
What she didn't know was that earlier that morning, I had listened to an podcast interview with Alex Hormozi on the Ed Mylett show. Hormozi was discussing ideas from his new book, "$100 Million Leads," which got me thinking about missed opportunities when starting my business. I was in a vulnerable state, but also open to feedback.
My wife began by sharing a conversation she had with one of our daughters about my content and how I might be shortchanging myself. They had wanted to say something for a while but didn't know how and didn't want to hurt my feelings.
I may have initially been defensive as I shared my thoughts on trends in social media marketing. However, deep down, I knew they were right. I have a highly creative mind and sometimes let my ideas run wild to grab attention. I don't want to lose that fun edge, but I also recognize the importance of aligning with our brand and mission.
This is not about Marketing
But this article isn't about branding or marketing; it's about feedback. I'm grateful that my family had the courage to speak up and provide feedback.
Delivering feedback, constructive criticism, or challenging news is never easy. But what's worse is allowing someone you care about to continue without knowing the impact of their behaviour.
If you're holding back from providing feedback to someone you care about, stop hesitating. Show them that you care and muster the courage to speak up. While they may not initially take it well, if they are open to growth, they will appreciate your honesty over time.
Prepare and Deliver Feedback Well
When you're ready to give feedback, I offer the following approach to help you feel prepared:
Identify the Right Time:
Consider having a tough talk when you encounter one of these eight situations:
Negative impact on relationships
Persistent behaviour patterns
Misaligned expectations
Unresolved conflict
Strong emotional impact on others
Noticeable changes in performance or well-being
Ethical or legal concerns
Growth opportunities
Get Prepared:
Depending on the feedback's significance, prepare quickly or extensively. Focus on these areas:
The main issue you need to address
A description of the issue and its impact
Evidence supporting the feedback
Expected outcomes, like behaviour change or conflict resolution
Plan the Conversation:
When planning your conversation, consider these six things:
Key messages to share
Time and place, taking into consideration the person's mood and other commitments
Conversation flow and potential responses
Anticipate objections and prepare responses
Prepare for emotional responses, allowing them space to express themselves
Plan for follow-up and expected actions
Time to Talk:
With a plan in hand, it's time to deliver the feedback. It's natural to feel nervous, but preparation is key. Practice deep breathing and remember that showing nerves demonstrates that you care. Follow the COMPASSION approach:
C – Remain CALM and composed
O– Practice OPEN and active listening
M – MAINTAIN empathy
P – PROVIDE validation to their emotions
A – ALLOW them to vent
S – SET boundaries
S – SEEK collaborative solutions
I – Provide INFORMATION, support, and resources
O – Check in and provide ONGOING support
N – NURTURE a safe and supportive environment
It’s Going to Be Uncomfortable at First
“The more you engage in challenging conversations, the more skilled and comfortable you become in navigating them. Difficult conversations are like muscles; the more you exercise them, the stronger they get.”
~Kurtis Graham
Providing necessary feedback is uncomfortable, but it's crucial for growth. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. If you're overwhelmed by the idea of a tough conversation, we've developed resources to help. Check out our "Tough Talks" guidebook on our website, which includes a worksheet for preparation.
The "Tough Talk" module is part of the Leadership In Focus Empower 365 Leadership Development program, designed to equip emerging leaders with the skills needed in a rapidly evolving workplace. To learn more about Empower 365, click HERE, or send me a direct message to schedule a call.
