Don't Wait for “Hints”, Step Up: Embrace Difficult Conversations
Most People Avoid Difficult Conversations
"Difficulties mastered are opportunities won."
~ Winston Churchill
Most people avoid those uncomfortable difficult conversations, finding creative ways to dance around the topic, duck into the restroom, or even quit their jobs altogether. As leaders, we understand that addressing behavior and performance issues is part of our core responsibility. Let's explore why these conversations are crucial, the reasons managers avoid them, and three actionable tips to approach them with courage and care.
Maybe They’ll “Get the Hint”
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
~ Maya Angelou
I remember when I first started managing my team of key account sales representatives as a sales District Manager. They were all enthusiastic and eager to succeed in their new careers. I was excited about the opportunity to lead and had envisioned being the kind of leader I would have wanted when I was in their shoes.
I did everything I could to create a positive work environment, fostering growth, and cultivating team spirit. I spent a significant amount of time working alongside my team, providing support and guidance to help them thrive. I celebrated their successes and showcased their innovative ideas to senior leaders. And when they made mistakes, I saw it as a chance for them to learn and grow.
But there was one challenge I hesitated to confront directly. It was evident that a couple of team members were struggling with fundamental business understanding. Instead of addressing it head-on, I was “hinting” at things that needed to be fixed, I even devised a team project that would help them become experts on the business and enhance their presentation skills. I hoped they would see it as a learning opportunity and improve.
When the project concluded, most team members impressed me with their efforts and progress. However, the two individuals for whom the project was specifically designed still struggled with the business issues. It became clear that I had to address the elephant in the room during their mid-year performance reviews. I prepared meticulously, fearing that this conversation would strain the relationships I had built with them.
To my surprise, each team member acknowledged the areas for development I highlighted. The two individuals I was most concerned about went a step further and expressed gratitude for addressing these issues, as no one had done so before. They committed to improving in the highlighted areas.
This experience taught me the importance of direct and timely feedback. It showed me that having difficult conversations, though challenging, is crucial for personal and professional growth. It also highlighted the value of caring enough for our team members to provide them with the guidance they need to excel.
Your Team Wants Feedback
"The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership."
~ Harvey S. Firestone
Why should you have these conversations regularly with your team members? According to a VitalSmarts study, 57% of employees prefer corrective feedback over praise. Additionally, 70% of employees believe their performance would improve with more feedback from superiors (Interact). Negative feedback, when delivered appropriately, is effective for performance improvement, as reported by 92% of respondents in the same study.
Why Do We Avoid Difficult Conversations?
"The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that is changing quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks."
~ Mark Zuckerberg
Despite these statistics, managers continue to avoid difficult conversations due to various reasons:
Fear of conflict: Managers fear confrontation and potential conflicts.
Discomfort with emotions: Handling strong emotions during these conversations feels uneasy.
Lack of skills or uncertainty: Managers may lack communication and conflict resolution skills.
Relationship preservation: Addressing issues may strain relationships with team members.
Time constraints: Managers feel overwhelmed with other responsibilities, leading to avoidance.
Four Tips to Build Your Conversation Confidence
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions."
~ Ken Blanchard
While these reasons may seem valid, it's crucial for us to step up as leaders. Here are four tips to approach difficult conversations with confidence:
Prepare and Plan: Gather relevant facts, reflect on your goals, and consider possible solutions. Anticipate reactions and emotions from the other person.
Choose the Right Setting: Create a comfortable, private environment with minimal distractions. Find a suitable moment when both parties can focus.
Demonstrate Empathy and Active Listening: Show genuine care for the other person's growth. Listen attentively, seek understanding, and validate their feelings. Use "I" statements to express concerns and emphasize collaboration.
Rebrand the Conversation: Change the narrative around these discussions. Consider renaming them as "Caring Conversations," "Coaching Chats," or "Development Support" to shift perceptions.
Closing Thoughts:
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
~ Winston Churchill
As leaders, it's essential to overcome our fears and prioritize the growth of our team members. Leadership In Focus is here to support you with resources such as the "Tough Talk" guidebook and worksheet, which can be accessed here. Additionally, our “Problem Monsters” leadership development program includes a "Talk Talk" module. Reach out to us at contact@leadershipinfocus.ca to discuss how we can assist your team.
Take courage, fellow leaders, and believe that your preparation and willingness to overcome fear will foster a more productive and engaged team. Together, let's embrace caring conversations for growth.
