Unmasking Conventional 'Wisdom': Rethinking Long-Standing Paradigms
"The greatest wisdom lies in challenging the wisdom that seems conventional."
- Curtis Scaplen
I believe that on our journey in life and leadership, it's essential to question prevailing notions and challenge long-held beliefs. As we strive for personal and professional growth, it's time to call BS on some common assumptions and stereotypes. In this week’s article, we dive into ten widely used statements, unravelling their limitations and offering fresh insights that can reshape our perspective.
Statement 1: "Do what I say, not what I do."
This is rubbish and needs to be tossed away for good. Whether it is as parents, partners or leaders in an organization we know that what we learn is more often caught and not taught. Effective leadership is about leading by example. Leaders who practice what they preach and demonstrate integrity, accountability, and ethical behavior inspire trust and credibility among their team members. It's important that we align our actions with our words to create an environment of trust and mutual respect.
Statement 2: "Work-Life Balance."
I understand the concept and reasoning behind the movement but the thinking is way off.
It is balance, period. It isn’t about work and then life. The two have and always will be intertwined. You spend a TON of time working and if you can’t find joy or have some passion for what you do and who you are working with, it will never balance. There are going to be times when the work burner goes on high and you have to attend to it, then the family burner goes on high and you attend to that.
Instead of striving for an elusive work-life balance, leaders should focus on work-life integration. Integration recognizes that work and personal life are interconnected and influence each other. By promoting flexibility, setting realistic expectations, and encouraging self-care, leaders can support their team members in achieving a healthier integration of work and personal commitments. The hard truth is, if YOU aren’t balanced, it is very hard for the rest of your world to be balanced, work or life.
Statement 3: "Leaders are born, not developed.”
Leadership is a skill that can be developed through experience, learning, and intentional practice. While certain traits may be advantageous, effective leadership can be nurtured and honed over time. Leadership development programs, mentorship, and continuous learning opportunities help individuals unlock their leadership potential.
The world is in desperate need of quality leadership. Contrary to popular belief - leaders can be and should be developed. Not everyone is born a leader, but everyone can become a leader.
Statement 4: "Vulnerability is showing weakness."
Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a display of courage and authenticity. Leaders who are willing to be vulnerable create a safe and supportive environment where team members feel comfortable sharing ideas, taking risks, and admitting mistakes. It fosters empathy, connection, and enhances team collaboration.
The ego lead pounding fist and “do it my way” is extremely unhealthy. Growth and development will come when we show more of ourselves and tell our human stories. Vulnerability takes courage, and we all can learn from courageous leaders.
Statement 5: "I have LOTS of friends."
My grandmother would always say if you need more than one hand to count your true friends, you have lived a blessed life. I thought she was crazy. After going through a lot of life experiences, it is clear to me what she meant. It is great to have a powerful network and continue to build relationships, but your inner circle should be tight and it should reflect the people in your life who are going to challenge you and love you through it all.
It's more important to prioritize quality relationships focused on mutual support, collaboration, and achieving shared goals.
Statement 6: "Negotiate to WIN."
This is partially true. If you are buying or selling something on Marketplace or Kijiji, sure go for the win. However, if there is any long term relationship or impact from the negotiation, we have to think longer term. Effective negotiation is not about winning at all costs but rather finding mutually beneficial outcomes. Collaborative negotiation focuses on understanding the interests of all parties involved, exploring creative solutions, and fostering long-term relationships. The most successful negotiations end with all sides “winning”.
Statement 7: "You have to drink alcohol to have FUN."
I would have leaned towards this statement because I didn’t really understand any other way. Following a year away from alcohol, I can tell you that this is the farthest thing from the truth. Fun and enjoyment can be experienced in various ways that are not dependent on alcohol. I have also started to really recalibrate what “Fun” actually means to me. It is fun to be active and present with my kids on the weekend. It is fun with me to be present and engaged in the activities versus focusing on the drink. As a leader I have also learned to be inclusive with environments that offer diverse opportunities for team members to engage in activities that align with their preferences and values, ensuring everyone feels comfortable and included.
Statement 8: "LOVE is all you need."
A beautiful thought that should stay in the movies. We definitely need LOVE and a lot more of it, but that isn’t all. For anyone who loved something and had to let it go, we realize that it isn’t all we need. If we were to treat LOVE as an action word, we might be getting closer. We need to put in the work, we need to evolve, we need to connect to values and purpose. We can love something and not be good at it, yet. Love is about making tough choices, discussing hard truths, showing empathy and compassion for others. If we can wrap our heads around real love vs. romanticised love, I could buy more into this statement.
Statement 9: "Put in the work now so you can enjoy your kids later.”
The most impactful years to a child is between the ages of one and ten years of age. So if there is a time to lean into being a present mother or father, it is now. That doesn’t mean you don’t work or build, but it is about finding a balance between work and personal life at every stage. For those leaders who have parents on their team, it is crucial to create an environment that supports both personal and professional growth, allowing leaders to prioritize their family and personal well-being while also fulfilling their work responsibilities.
Statement 10: "What if I FAIL?"
GOOD! Celebrate your failures. Failure is a natural part of growth and learning. Effective leaders understand that failure can provide valuable lessons and opportunities for improvement. There isn’t anyone in your world that you would view as “successful” that hasn’t experienced multiple failures in their lives. Flip the script on failure. The biggest blessings often come wrapped in some sort of pain or failure. Failure is a stepping stone to success, encouraging resilience, innovation, and continuous improvement.
Closing thoughts:
Life and leadership are dynamic and ever-evolving. It requires continuous examination and reevaluation. As we challenge conventional wisdom and question deeply ingrained assumptions, we open doors to new possibilities and approaches. By embracing authenticity, vulnerability, and a growth mindset, we can foster environments that prioritize collaboration, well-being, and sustainable success. Let us dare to question, challenge, and reshape our understanding, breaking free from the limitations of outdated beliefs and forging a path towards more effective, inclusive, and inspiring leadership for the future.
