Leadership Through a Mother’s Eyes: Lessons from My Mom on Her Birthday
"A mother’s love is the first and most influential form of leadership we experience."
— Kurtis Graham
A Mother’s Love
Today is my mom’s birthday. I won’t say which sequel to 49 it is, but it’s more than two (let's keep that our little secret to avoid any trouble). My parents both played instrumental roles in shaping my life and the lives of my sisters. In a previous article, I shared some insights on the unconventional paths to success, and the lessons inspired from a conversation with my Dad at my sister’s cottage. Curtis Scaplen also shared some of his mom’s legacy of embracing grace, and lessons from his mother’s journey through terminal cancer. What I know for a fact, is that a mother’s love is the first and most influential form of leadership we experience.
In honor of my mom on her birthday, I’d like to share some lessons I learned from her and how they apply to us as leaders.
Eyes in the Back of Her Head
Mom always joked that she had eyes in the back of her head. Although we could never find them, she never missed a beat.
Tiny But Mighty
At 4’11”, you might think Mom would be a pushover, but she had “that look” that clearly told us not to mess with her. If you crossed her, she could be one heck of a momma bear. She’s lost a couple more inches, but she can still give “the look.” (I’m going to be in trouble for this picture - I will probably get “the look”).
I’m going to get in trouble for this one! I will probably get “the look.”
Special One-on-One Moments
Every once in a while, Mom would show up at school, and we would go for lunch at Harvey’s. We talked, and in many ways, it brought my guard down. Those little treats and one-on-one dates made me feel special. Mom also recognized that there’s something about neutral ground that helps us open up. In those moments, I learned that mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever—and in those hearts, they instill the seeds of leadership.
Mental Health Days
There were days when things were rough at school for my sisters or me. On those days, Mom would pick us up from school, recognizing the need for mental health days. She knew us well enough to hear it in our voices. Mothers teach us the first lessons of leadership: compassion, resilience, listening, and strength.
The Entrepreneur
Mom started a business with some friends, putting up signs on people's lawns for new babies, birthdays, etc. Watching her work through the details of starting the business, and also dealing with the interpersonal dynamics, was very informative. This taught us the value of entrepreneurship and seizing opportunities. The lessons we learn from our mothers are the foundation of our leadership journey.
The Lifelong Student
From the time I was in junior high to when I finished university, Mom pursued her dream of going to university. Each semester, she would take 1-2 courses while being a full-time mom, volunteering, supporting Dad’s career, and showing up. She was an A-student and honed her writing skills, instilling in me a passion for learning and writing. We even graduated close to each other, making it a shared achievement. Mothers lead not by authority, but by example, showing us the way with their unwavering love and wisdom.
The Teacher
Mom was incredibly creative and often led different groups at the church. For a couple of years, she taught creative gift-wrapping courses and worked as a mentor to other students in her writing groups. Mom was always curious and learning new things, and she naturally recognized that one of the best ways to learn is to teach.
The Host
Mom was always welcoming our friends, long-term guests, hosting showers, or entertaining colleagues from work or church. People always felt welcome in our home, including my friends, and long-term guests got an extra adoptive mom.
The Caretaker
Mom had a heart for caring for teen women in crisis pregnancies. She volunteered her time to lend an ear and support these young women as they faced critical life choices. Mom showed us that we all have the capacity to love beyond what we think.
Encouraging Kitchen Experiments
If I wanted to try cooking or make a fancy snack, Mom encouraged me and didn’t make me feel bad for the mess. She would offer little tips and help me get better along the way. I have no idea if this caused her stress; she certainly held back and made me feel like a mini-Michelin star chef.
Sneaking TV Time at the Table
Dinner time was family time, and we always ate together. However, when Dad traveled for work, to make it a bit more fun, we felt sneaky when Mom let us watch a show together at the table during dinner. Now, they both watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune while they eat.
Knowing Us Better Than We Knew Ourselves
I remember living in Colorado, and we were watching a movie on TV. The movie wasn’t over, but my parents told me I had to go to bed. I threw a tantrum and said I was going to run away. Mom said, “Okay then, you do that,” or something along those lines.
My memory is a bit foggy after this part, but I recall packing a bag and getting to the front door, threatening to leave. Mom and Dad kept saying, “Okay, bye then,” with each threat as I inched closer to the door. Before I stepped out, I melted down and ran to them. Mom consoled me and showed me love, and I may have snuck in a few extra minutes of movie time. She knew me better than I knew myself—there was no way 7-year-old me would run away, but hey, it was worth a shot.
Key Takeaways for Leaders:
Be Observant: Like Mom’s “eyes in the back of her head,” being attentive to your team’s needs and actions can help you lead more effectively.
Show Strength and Compassion: Balance firmness with kindness. Being approachable doesn’t mean being a pushover.
Create Special Moments: Personalized attention can make your team feel valued and appreciated.
Recognize Mental Health Needs: Be attuned to your team’s well-being and offer support when needed.
Encourage Growth: Support continuous learning and personal development within your team.
Know Your Team: Just as my mom knew me better than I knew myself, great leaders understand their team members' strengths, weaknesses, and needs. This insight allows leaders to guide their teams effectively and provide the support they may not even know they need.
Closing Thoughts
“A mother’s wisdom is a beacon of light guiding her children, and in that guidance, we find the essence of true leadership."
- Unknown
In celebrating my mom’s birthday, I reflect on the numerous lessons she imparted. Her unwavering support, keen observation, strength, compassion, and encouragement have profoundly influenced my approach to leadership. As leaders, we can learn from her example to be more observant, supportive, and understanding. Let’s honor the timeless wisdom of those who shaped us and strive to embody these values in our leadership journey.
Happy Birthday, Mom. Your legacy of love and leadership continues to inspire us every day.
