Mark 2024 as the Year You Escape the People-Pleasing Trap

Dear Diary,

As the new year begins, I'm making a resolution to break free from my people-pleasing tendencies. It's time to stand up for my ideas, stop saying yes to things I don't want to do, and be true to myself.

Sincerely,

The People Pleaser

2 days later, a text message arrives from a friend: "Do you want to meet our old neighbours from New York in the city two Saturdays from now?"

Internal dialogue: I Remembering hearing how fun their old neighbours were, but I really don’t like going into the city and being out late on Saturdays.

Reluctant text back to friend: "Sure, sounds like fun. Can’t wait to meet them."

Resolution broken.

Time to Mark 2024 as the Year You Stop Being a People-Pleaser

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." ~ Brene Brown

At its core, being considerate of others isn't a bad trait. However, sacrificing your well-being to avoid disappointing others is the heart of the people-pleasing dilemma. Here are 8 questions to help conquer people-pleasing in 2024:

Can I say no?

Often, saying no upfront is the easiest solution. Overcoming initial emotional discomfort is crucial. Usually, the other person won't think much of it, and backing out later may strain the relationship further.

What's your level of excitement?

Gauge your genuine excitement level. If it's not a "heck yes," reconsider committing to it.

How will your future self feel?

Consider your future feelings leading up to the event. If you foresee wanting an exit strategy, saying no might be wise.

Will you be a net negative?

Assess if your participation will dampen the situation. Don't bring down the vibe for others.

How hard is it to back out?

Consider the emotional turmoil of backing out later. Save yourself the future hassle by declining from the start.

How much is in your head?

Avoid overcomplicating decisions with social and emotional calculations. Often, we exaggerate negatives unnecessarily.

Is your decision ego-driven?

Assess if you're trying to do something outside your interest to impress or overestimating your capacity.

How do you define meaning in life?

Shift focus from others' expectations to your own values. Don't glorify busyness at the expense of your well-being.

Closing Thoughts:

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you." ~ Wayne Dyer

At Leadership In Focus, we often discuss people-pleasing because we've been there ourselves. Leaders caught in this trap deny themselves and their teams the confidence needed for authentic leadership. Embrace the discomfort of saying no and prioritize your "heck-yeah" moments in 2024.