What were you Expecting?

"Expectation is the root of all heartache."

~ William Shakespeare

The Expectation/Frustration Matrix

I'm going to begin this article with a visual representation: the Expectation vs. Frustration matrix.

This concept struck me the morning after I had let a colorful word slip for the fourth time in just under an hour.

The first instance occurred when I checked Google Maps and realized traffic was worse than expected; I still had to stop for gas. Number 2 unfolded three minutes later as I rushed out the door, only to spill my coffee, prompting me to take off my shoes and clean up the mess. Numbers 3 and 4 quickly followed as I attempted to change lanes on the highway twice, thwarted both times by someone firing into the lane from my driver's side blind spot.

As I reflected on my own disappointment in repeatedly losing my cool, I tuned in to a podcast featuring a cancer survivor, having just finished another episode interviewing an astronaut discussing how they expect and prepare for the worst. Things started to fall into perspective for me.

Firstly, none of these situations warranted the outsized emotional reactions they received.

Secondly, all of these situations could have been avoided with better planning, preparation, and closer attention to my surroundings.

I was grappling with the Expectation/Frustration matrix I introduced at the beginning of this article.

My expectations were set for a smooth morning—leaving on time, stopping for gas, regular traffic flow, and people anticipating my lane changes.

Reality, however, threw a wrench into each of these expectations.

When we attach too much importance to expectations, we leave too much to fate and circumstance. This situation could have just as easily been a surprise announcement at work, a dissatisfied customer, an employee departure, or any number of scenarios.

To better navigate the Expectation/Frustration matrix, consider these steps:

Plan Ahead, Be Prepared:

Consider the variables at play. I could have checked Google Maps sooner and planned better. Planning ahead enables us to be prepared for potential disruptions.

Pause Before Acting/Reacting:

Strong gut reactions may occur, but by pausing and assessing the situation, we can better understand the gravity of the issue. Was it truly a big deal?

Be Aware and Accountable:

Recognize potential overreactions and hold yourself accountable by asking, "What was I expecting, and why?"

Put it in Perspective:

In the grand scheme of things, how significant is this? Most of the time, it's not life or death. Put it in perspective and take it in stride.

Closing Thoughts:

“Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves."

~ Buddha

I'm penning this article as much for myself as for anyone else. I need a daily reminder of these principles. I hope that, over time, I can maintain a more composed demeanour when faced with the unexpected. For those who resonate with this, I trust there are tips here to assist you as well.